Grief or bereavement is the experience of loss. For many, grief is associated with the death of an important person or a pet. However, grief can be experienced after any important loss that affects their life. For example, the loss relationship, a job, or the loss of hope for what they thought life would look like. Grief can also be experienced after a diagnosis of an illness or other health problem.
People experience grief in many ways and the experience may change as a person moves through the grieving process. People may feel sad, angry, scared, or anxious. Some have a hard time feeling emotions at all or expressing them in a productive way. Other times, people may even feel relief or peace after a loss. There is no right or wrong way to feel grief. It is a very personal experience. Many people find that the intensity or type of emotion associated with their grief changes over time. As well, holidays can often bring up strong feelings and reminders of people and experiences that have been lost.
People work through grief in their own time and in their own way. However, for some people the feelings of loss become debilitating and do not improve with time. In these cases, grief becomes known as “complicated grief” or persistent complex bereavement disorder. In these cases, the emotions become so painful, intense, and long lasting that a person has trouble moving through the grieving process and resuming their own life.
Grief is usually strongest in the beginning and the shock of loss can be great that it takes time for the reality to sink in but everyone will experience loss differently.
What is important to know is that the grieving process takes time. This time allows us to mourn our loss while we learn to live life without our loved one. It can be a difficult and sometimes lonely; but everyone has their own experience, and it is important for each of us to be kind and gentle with ourselves.
During the first few months after a loss, symptoms of grief may appear both emotionally and physically. Emotionally we may feel sad, angry, numb, or even relief. Physically, we may also experience sleep disorders, loss of appetite, or headaches. It is normal for many emotions or physical feelings to come and go. It is normal to have good days and bad days. As well, symptoms will vary from person to person.
The symptoms of grief, usually, will lessen with time. However, in some cases they do not, and “normal grief” becomes what is known as “complicated grief”. With complicated grief, symptoms will linger and get worse. Complicated grief is like being in a constant, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from moving forward in your life.
Signs and symptoms of complicated grief may include:
Intense sorrow, pain, and rumination over the loss of your loved one
Focussing on little else but your loved one’s death
Intense and persistent longing or pining for the deceased
Numbness or detachment
Bitterness about your loss
Feeling that life holds no meaning or purpose
Inability to enjoy life or think back on positive experiences with your loved one
Complicated grief also may be indicated if you continue to:
Have trouble carrying out normal routines
Isolate from others and withdraw from social activities
Experience depression, deep sadness, guilt, or self-blame
Believe that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death
Feel life isn’t worth living without your loved one
Wish you had died along with your loved one
When to see a doctor
Contact a doctor or a mental health professional if you have intense grief and problems functioning that don’t improve at least one year after the passing of your loved one.
If you have thoughts of suicide
At times, people with complicated grief may consider suicide. If you’re thinking about suicide, talk to someone you trust. If you think you may act on suicidal feelings, call 911 or your local emergency number right away.
Know this is a normal part of life. Living and loving someone or something means you will feel grief at some point.
Share your feelings. Sometimes, talking about your feelings with friends, family or members of a grief support group or a therapist can help. You can also participate in online chat groups if you are concerned about how people might interpret your feelings.
Express your sorrow. It’s important to find ways to express your sadness. This will look different for everyone. You may want to sit in your favourite chair and cry. Maybe you will visit the grave and cry or talk to your loved one. Maybe you will need time to journal or mediate while the sun rises. Whatever way you express your feelings try to find a way that is helpful to you and not harmful to your wellbeing.
Find creative ways to remember. Find ways that help you to remember and honour the person who died. Write a letter to the person. Look at photos or display some in a special spot with flowers or ask others to share their favourite memories while you celebrate your loved one.
Featured Resource
What You Have to do After Someone Passes Away
A guide provided by Access Nova Scotia, to help with the legal and emotional concerns of what to do when someone has passed away.
Related Links
Nova Scotia Health Authority
Grief and Bereavement Services.
Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association
When you are grieving it helps to know what to expect. There are ten things as important in understanding your grief.
Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association
Some common emotions are identified along with suggestions to help you make room for the feelings you may have.
Nova Scotia Hospice Palliative Care Association
Grieving occurs after experiencing a significant loss. It affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, emotionally and socially.
Nova Scotia Hospice Palliative Care Association
Spirituality is foundational to our identity and refers to the way we seek and express meaning and purpose.
Nova Scotia Hospice Palliative Care Association
Grief describes what we feel after a significant loss; it can also be due to a significant change in our life.
Nova Scotia Hospice Palliative Care Association
Anticipatory grief is a common experience with an impending loss.
NSHPCA Grief Podcasts
Helpful Tools
Grief and bereavement resources for youth
Page with resources for youth dealing with grief and bereavement.
Dougy Centre for Grieving Children and Families
Information on grieving and how to approach children and teens who are grieving, including practical ideas for kids such as activities to help them understand their feelings and grief.
Canadian Virtual Hospice
MyGrief.ca helps you to understand and work through your grief